Should I Confront a Narcissist?
Ok, so you know. I mean you really know. You caught on to the narcissist. You see through the games, the lies, the deception, the manipulation. You want to confront the narcissist.
The light bulb went on and you had your ah-ha moment.
You have caught on to the schemes and can’t believe you didn’t see it before.
You see it all. The hidden ways of twisting reality ever so gently, the gaslighting. It’s making sense, now.
You may have gone through years of confusion, neglect, emotional devastation to get to the point you at right now.
So, what do you do?
Watch the Video Here!
Listen to the Podcast Episode here
Should you confront the narcissist?
Should you let them know that you now know? Is that a good idea?
Today, we are going to talk about why it is not recommended nor beneficial to let them know you are on to their game.
First, I want to say congratulations for your clarity and understanding of the situation. It took me nearly 40 years to figure it out, and so glad I did, but as you may know, the fun is only beginning at this point.
I do not recommend letting the narcissist in your life know you know for several reasons.
1. You may put yourself in danger.
*trigger warning*
Narcissists are keen and perceptive, probably beyond your normal human, but they have a special reason and motivation for doing so. The narcissist has to manage their levels of supply at all times. A narcissist cannot live without supply, it’s like the air they breathe, so they are very sensitive to the amount of supply they are receiving, and if a change occurs, they will be quick to notice.
It’s like being in a thunderstorm, and the electricity goes out. The narcissist knows if their source of supply or electricity is either reduced or has changed in some way.
When you become aware that you fell for a game with the narcissist, you may no longer wish to play and to partake in the deception. You may naturally change your behavior. The narcissist will sense this almost immediately and this could spiral the narcissist into a narcissistic rage. This is where you could be in danger.
I do not recommend letting the narcissist know that you are on to their game. In fact, at first, I would try to act the same as I did before, until I can think and plan for my next move.
2. You may open up pandora’s box.
If you were to one day, let the narcissist, know you are AWARE, and choose to confront, you will be opening Pandora’s Box, and who knows what’s inside that box.
If you let the cat out of the bag, the whole relationship is about to do a shift. It will go from the narcissist being in control, or feeling as if they are in control, to a great fear that they will lose you. This may trigger their abandonment, other insecurities, and they may start to act in new and different ways, and it will not be a peaceful time especially if living under the same roof.
When the narcissist feels like they are in control and things are the way they want, they have a sense of peace and security from it.
If an announcement were made to state you believe they are a narcissist, their whole way of operating in the relationship has been called into question. No longer can they trust you to be predictable and controllable. No longer will they be able to pull the wool over your eyes. They are threatened. Threatened by exposure, threatened that you may leave, and they will suffer from lack of supply.
A whole new set of tactics will start to be deployed by the narcissist. Yes, they will love-bomb, but that’s not all, they may use guilt, and try to draw from any scenario they can, even made-up ones, to try to offset the situation.
3. The Smear Campaign Will Start
If you let the cat out of the bag and let the narcissist know you are keen to the scheme, please know that the things that are precious to you, that provide support (friends), these will now be attacked by the narcissist. This attack started a long time prior actually, yet it was subtle, now it will move into an overt form of insidious abuse against you.
The narcissist doesn’t want you to end the relationship or leave.
They want you to remain and should you choose to leave, they will try to throw roadblocks so your path out will be difficult.
They may spread lies about you so your attempt to be free will be challenging. In fact, they feared the day that you would figure it out. They have tried to prevent you from having clarity for as long as the relationship existed. The tactics began at the onset. They were trying to use you for supply as long as they could.
Congrats again for figuring it out.
Final Thoughts
It will be tempting to let the narcissist know. I want to encourage you to keep it to yourself for a time until you can think things through and have peace in your decision for your next steps. Confronting a narcissist is risky and can escalate a relationship in unpredictable ways. Be safe, drop us a comment.
Have you instituted no contact with a narcissist? Did you ever tell someone they were a narcissist?
XO
Lynn
Yes, after this episode aired, I was inspired to create “Keen to the Scheme” T-shirts. Check out our store!
confront confront confront confront confront