This page was updated November 18, 2021.
My Story
My story, aka the event(s) that occurred in my life, was when I gained insight about my relationships. The walls came tumbling down in my life. Though the story doesn’t end in devastation, but in rebuilding. It has led to be life-changing for me, and today I am so grateful for everything that occurred.
Table of Contents
Watch the Video
Divorce
I was attending Pathways, (highly recommended, btw) as my husband at the time told me that if I got emotionally healthy, then all the problems in our marriage would be fixed. During the class, I believe I had an eye-opening experience.
I ran across this picture on social media, which was not the first of the kind, but something clicked inside me when I read this.
Inner Peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.
I remember it vividly. I was laying in my bed scrolling and it was if the world stopped. I said, “This is it!” I couldn’t believe it. This was my light bulb moment. It all made sense and at the same time nothing made sense.
I understood it was not my fault. I gained an understanding of manipulation, of being controlled, emotional and narcissistic abuse and more. I got it, and I saw it for the first time in my 40 years on this planet (this was my holy $%^& moment). This was in 2016.
The Caveat
The relationship I had with my ex-husband was the caveat to opening my eyes to other relationships to include family and friendships. It took me time to see the patterns, but soon I was able to recognize them, and this is where I had many holy moly moments.
Loss of Friendships
Upon reaching out to my friends asking for help, support, encouragement, as I was navigating a divorce, researching narcissistic abuse, my support network not only dried up, but became non-existent. Friends who I had for 10+ years did not check-in on me, help me move, or call me to find out if I was okay.
Is this normal? My phone went silent. No texts, no calls. I was sending information on narcissistic abuse to “my support network” and reached out so they would have some idea of what I was going through, to educate–to provide perspective and provide assistance as I was shattered. Silence.
I had no energy to chase. And…I wasn’t going to. Their actions spoke so loud to me, I knew who they were.
I was so confused. Where are my friends? Don’t they care? Isn’t this what friends are for? Aren’t friends supposed to help in time of need?
Did I offend them? I am a Christian (see spiritual deconstruction below) and I have started divorce proceedings, am I now taboo? Was this unacceptable to them? (They never even asked!!) What was going on? Was I not a good enough friend to them?
My Escape to Freedom
I realized my friends were not FOR ME. They didn’t even look in my direction when I was devastated. They were not there. This was eye-opening. I was absolutely bewildered to say the least.
I was literally on the floor in emotional devastation-literally and emotionally. No pun intended, but after I moved out of my home with my soon to be ex-husband, I slept on the floor of my new place for about 3-4 months. My ex-husband was holding my items hostage in the divorce – so I had nothing. No bed, no silverware, no vacuum. The items I had were the items I managed to escape with at 11:30 PM on the final night of my departure, and yes, of course, I walked into my corporate office job the very next day, with a smile on my face, but inside I was shattered, devastated, alone, and determined to make it through.
I went to the goodwill to replenish my items slowly. I went to yard sales. I was determined to make it. I was going to rebuild with or without a support system.
I was so grateful for my hairdresser, who after explaining what happened, offered me her camping equipment. I took her up on this and camped on the floor of my home with my sweet dog until I was able to obtain my items.
Please see post on: Loss after Narcissistic Abuse: 6 Truths
I felt like this was the information I had been seeking for decades. So much to learn, so many new changes and revelations followed. My eyes were opened, and things started to now make sense and come together.
Perhaps, this is you. Perhaps, your eyes are opening to the truth of relationships, and like me, are exploring, and diving in to discover. Let us be a resource to assist in your journey.
No Contact with Family
I have also instituted no contact with some family. I drew a line in the sand. I saw similar patterns which existed for decades.
Related: Perhaps you have gone no contact with family and then realized you have been Ostracized by the rest of the family – Learn more here why you may now be hated…
The Trifecta +2
On this website, we are going to talk about this trifecta of overcoming narcissistic abuse trauma from these three perspectives, 1) Spouse or relationship partner 2) Family members to include extended family 3) Friendships and even casual acquaintances 4) We may even tackle spiritual deconstruction 5) and the employer/employee situation.
The Journey Forward
I still have more healing to do in this area and all areas (lifetime journey), and this is my comeback story, my healing story, my new adventurous story, and my determination to succeed story…
This is my comeback story, my healing story, my new adventurous story, and my determination to succeed story…
There’s more! Next…put on your seatbelt.
I legally Changed my name - First and Last
After my divorce, I didn’t want to keep my married last name, nor revert back to my maiden name. I decided to change my last name to a family name.
In addition, my next step is very uncommon, in that, I also changed my first name. After 40 years of being on this planet, I boldly changed my first and last name. I thought long and hard about this decision and courageously proceeded and never looked back.
My Background
Originally from New England and grew up in a Pentecostal, evangelical church, graduated from a Christian University with a degree in Bible and a concentration in world missions. I loved college, so many great people and I was even able to complete my missions practicum overseas in South Africa, traveling to Zambia, Zimbabwe and Botswana. My senior year of college I was honored and selected to speak to the entire student body and faculty. After graduation I entered corporate America, which is where I have been for the past 20+ years and currently reside in the Dallas/Fort Worth, TX area.
Support our Site!
Our site is reader supported. If you have found our material to be beneficial to you, consider supporting us! We have many free resources on our site, including our YouTube Channel, Podcast, etc. Head to our Support Page to find the best method to do so. We thank you in advance! ~ Lynn
Spiritual Deconstruction
Even though I grew up in the church, and graduated from a Christian University, I see it in a whole new light, some may even call it deconstruction. And yes, I would agree.
I found myself getting disgruntled with church services. Not only did I see it as a “dog and pony show”, with “guy smiley” leading the services, but I saw the services as an indirect worship of the pastor and the entity as opposed to ‘who’ is behind it all, not to mention the emotional manipulation and the coercion (gaslighting) of women to remain in abusive marriages – all while being unsupportive to women who seek true help.
Many women are shamed by the church, told to pray more, try harder and are gaslight, minimized and dismissed (and some even ostracized), by the very entity which was designed to help in time of need – while the topic of abuse is shoved under the carpet with the hope to never bear its ugly name again. I had a total wakeup. I had to leave. While I still believe in God, it has an entirely different meaning to me now…more on this to come.
Moving Forward (what a great website name!)
Where am I today?
I’m moving forward with my passions, learning, growing, pursuing my life hobbies and missions. The events as I have laid out, didn’t overtake me. I have learned to embrace my current situation, see my life with a whole new set of eyes, I’ve gained a new perspective and a whole new life. My life has done a 180 degree turnaround.
It has been challenging, and is not without risks, but it all has been worth it, worth every penny. It literally has changed my life.
I am a new person. I am changing and I like who I am becoming. I feel freedom like never before. I am more keen and sharp to others (and their hidden, or not so hidden) objectives.
I am working to put together a grieving training after the wakeup call, please drop a comment below if this is something you would benefit from.
I will share my story, as I needed to hear the stories of others when I was in my stages of desperation, loneliness, and devastation with others.
Update on My Story: I decided to begin traveling outside the USA and to explore and venture off on new adventures. Want to come along on the ride? Join us if you wish, over here. Drop in and say hello too!
Follow Us on Social Media!
A Vision
While I was attending the Pathways class (see earlier and it’s also on the Resources Page), I also had a vision during the experience, to which I never had before and I am going to try to describe it a bit.
In this vision, I pictured I was in the matrix movie. Do you know the scene where bullets are flying at Keanu Reeves and the scene slows down into super slow motion and he is able to miss the bullets? This is what I saw…
I saw the same scene played out toward me, but instead of the bullets coming toward me, it was all the words that were ever spoken over my life. I was in the scene, where it was slow motion, and all the words were flying over the top of me. I was no longer being affected by them. Every single word that was meant to cause me harm, was going past me.
And then, I had a vision with Nike sneakers from the 80’s (or is it the 90’s?). You know the white sneakers with the red stripe. I am not sure how this was intertwined, but it just came to me to JUST DO IT. So, I thought about creating this site for nearly 2 years before I did, and kept thinking of this vision. I decided to birth this vision and create this site so it could be a resource for you on your journey. Watch the Matrix Clip Here starting at about 35 seconds in.
In Conclusion
I was there, and I lend my hand out to those who are open to change, those who want and need a little courage and for those who are ready to move forward even to make radical personal changes.
Our Mission
This site is to serve as a resource of hope, encouragement and validation to victims of narcissistic abuse so lives can be rebuilt by facilitating a revolutionary change to pursue dreams, visions, and living intentionally.
Additional Links:
Loss after Narcissistic Abuse: 6 Devastating Truths
Leaving the Narcissist- 7 Practical Steps to Freedom
Going No Contact – 8 Necessary Steps After Going No Contact
7 Stages of Grief and Loss after Narcissistic Abuse
From Devastation to Moving Forward. From Hopelessness to Victory. From Shame to Speaking my Truth. From Silence to Passion.
As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases
Books By Lynn
Are you walking on eggshells in your relationship?
Do you feel controlled, even manipulated, told what to say, and how to act?
If this is you, perhaps you feel like you are going crazy in your relationship. Perhaps you are exhausted from trying to perform and keep up with the demands put upon you, or maybe you feel you are being controlled, and manipulated but are having a hard time putting your finger on it.
This book is to blow the lid off the emotional abuse that occurs, detail the aspects of it, which is often not seen, and in most circles is not acceptable to discuss. It’s empowerment. It’s education. It’s about validating your experiences so you can choose to rebuild, and from then, it opens the doors of things to come.
Narcissistic abuse is an insidious and deliberate crime, but armored with healthy tools, skills and the knowledge to overcome, we can move forward with hope. Learning to overcome the devastation from narcissistic abuse will free you to heal, recover, and to take your life back.
In Overcoming the Devastation: How to Heal, Recover and Take Your Life Back, here is a fraction of what you will learn:
- 15 tactics narcissists use
- 15+ steps to heal on the journey
- 7 Stages of Grief in Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse
- Family Dynamics
- How to Move Forward with Hope
- Best Ways to Live Authentically – Even with the Pain from the Past
Start your Blog Today
Maybe you have read this blog post and you are inspired to start your own blog website! Great, I have detailed out the steps to help you get started here!