Angry? 7 Reasons Why You May Be Furious as You Are Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
If you have just woken up from the situation you find yourself in, a victim of narcissistic abuse, you are not alone in your fury.
Being a victim of this insidious crime is reason to feel anger and it’s completely justified. You were wronged on so many levels. Your boundaries were crossed recklessly.
I was angry for a long while as you may now be in this stage. I also want to recommend the 7 Stages of Grief and Loss after Enduring Narcissistic Abuse for further insight on what to anticipate or expect going forward.
Table of Contents
Listen to the Podcast Episode
Everyone's Situation is Different
Today in this article we are going to talk about that anger. We are going to talk about the sources of it as it relates to narcissistic abuse.
Please note, everyone’s situation is different. And while we all have unique stories of events that have happened, the following may not apply to everyone’s circumstance.
Overstepping has Occurred
Anger, intuitively is when someone you have trusted, oversteps a boundary you have placed, or even if you didn’t place it, it’s when they overstep on a common courtesy, an area where common human respect and decency should have been applied to you, but wasn’t. It could be a one time event, and/or it could have happened several times, or 100 times, but it should have never happened once.
And if you are in a relationship with a narcissist, what’s worse is they do not have empathy, so they will never understand or be able to see things from your perspective – ever. It’s futile to even try. And to add salt to the would, they will use incredible and demeaning tactics against you to cause even more flame to the fire such as gaslighting, blame shifting, then even move into love-bombing, redirection, distraction, forgetfulness on purpose. It’s insanely maddening.
The events that you have endured may have caused trauma, may have put you into a place of flight-or-flight, may have caused you to be hyper-vigilant. and/or started PTSD to occur in your life.
It’s every reason to be and feel angry.
Subscribe to Our YouTube Channel
It's Okay to Be Angry
Anger in itself is not bad. You don’t have to be afraid to say you are angry. You don’t have to hide it and stifle your anger. We will talk more about it.
It’s a true and genuine emotion that signals something is not right, something is off, and it warrants your attention.
You may have been angry for years.
When you go through the healing stages of narcissistic abuse, this anger can surface to a head, if can make you feel uncomfortable for a time, because you may not have the tools, or knowledge or validation from another human, that your anger is justified.
Were you Lied to?
Maybe you realize you were lied to for your life by large organizations and in the past couple years, realize this, so your anger may be coming from a variety of sources and that is okay.
May you left a large religious organization that you grew up in and it caused a lot of emotional trauma as you unpack the beliefs in what you were taught.
It could be from a devastating and controlling relationship…
There can be a variety of reasons for the anger. And what is important to note is there is depth in this type of anger. What is at the core of this anger, is betrayal.
The Core of Anger is Betrayal
Betrayal is at the core and the heart of narcissistic abuse. You were betrayed by those who were supposed to have your back, to support you, betrayal is a painful emotional hurt and it’s okay to feel the surge of anger, or even rage as you sort through and unpack the depth of what has occurred. Too, the journey to unpack it, works within your timeline. There is no rush, fast or slow as how you wish to go.
Betrayal impacts the heart and soul of a person. It cuts deep.
Sources of this Anger-Betrayal
There are a variety of sources of this anger, betrayal and we have included several here. If you have additional you want to include, please place in the comments.
Betrayal and deception: Survivors often feel deeply betrayed by the person they trusted or loved. Narcissistic abusers can be charming and affectionate at first, but as the abusive patterns unfold, survivors realize the manipulative and deceitful nature of the relationship.
Emotional invalidation: Narcissistic abusers are skilled at gaslighting and dismissing their victims’ emotions and experiences. This invalidation can lead to self-doubt and internalized anger.
Silenced
Silenced: Being silenced either by not having your partner listen to you, or be able to empathize with you, or if they tell you you are crazy, or by stonewalling you, ignoring you, is one of the most hurtful ways to treat another human.
If you are indirectly encouraged to be silent about your experiences, this may start anger to be birthed inside of you, which may turn into rage. And when this rage and anger in internalized and starts to fester inside of your for an extended time, it can turn into autoimmune disorders. We must find a way to share our experiences, and pop the balloon so we let this anger out in controlled and healthful ways so it does not fester inside.
But this anger is key to learning about ourselves. We must learn to not always put others first- especially women, who have a caretaking nature – which others like to abuse and take advantage of. We must learn to say NO to things that we know will take away from us, so we can live our best life.
Others will have to re-shift and learn a new way to handle us.
Follow Me on Medium: Groomed for Silence – The Tactic the Narcissist Does Not Want You To Know
Loss of self-worth: Narcissistic abuse can erode a survivor’s self-esteem and self-confidence. They may feel angry at themselves for allowing the abuse to happen and for not recognizing the signs earlier.
Powerlessness: Narcissistic abusers often exert control and dominance over their victims, leaving them feeling powerless and unable to assert themselves. This powerlessness can manifest as anger towards the abuser and the situation.
Have you had to rebuild your life after leaving a narcissist? A lot of times this can cause anger, and grief as you mourn what you have lost, and have to start over.
Cycle of idealization and devaluation: Narcissists often engage in a pattern of idealizing their victims and then devaluing them. Survivors may feel angry about being used as objects and discarded when no longer useful to the narcissist.
Isolation: Narcissistic abusers may isolate their victims from support systems, leaving them feeling alone and angry at the lack of help or understanding from others.
Repeated emotional attacks: Narcissistic abusers may engage in emotional attacks and manipulations repeatedly, causing ongoing anger and frustration.
The Process of Healing and Recovery
The process of healing and going through the stages of narcissistic abuse healing really surface every area of your life. It is all encompassing for those who do not bury the recovery journey.
If you are willing to go down the introspective path, open the gates and take a wide look at your life and expose your own patterns, your thoughts – everything – I don’t want to make a bold statement and say it can change the trajectory of your life, per say, but when we do the healing work, we start to see relationships differently.
We can go back to old patterns or we can create new brain pathways of new thoughts and new attitudes and slowly turn the wheel and shift things going forward. It can be a powerful transformative journey.
Are you working through your anger now after you have been in a relationship with a narcissist? Or grew up in a narcissistic dysfunctional home? Tell us how you are handling it and let us know what has worked best for you.