Guide To Terms

Learning about narcissistic abuse can be confusing especially with terms such as flying monkey, gaslight, and Stockholm Syndrome. We have created a Guide to Terms to aid in your research as you learn about narcissistic abuse.

Guide to Terms

A Narcissistic abuser will use highly skilled manipulation tactics to deliberately isolate, deceive and control victims for their own personal gain of narcissistic supply. They can use all sorts of tactics to get what THEY want such as mind games, isolation, blame-shifting, belittling, discrediting, stonewalling to name a few.

Gaslighting. This is when the abuser creates a scenario where the victim questions their reality and what has happened. After time and repetition, the victim becomes confused and may feel they are going insane.

The term “gaslighting” stems back to a 1938 play, entitled Gas Light , which was later adapted in 1944 to Gaslight, a psychological-thriller film which was nominated for seven academy awards including best picture, Best Actor and Best Screenplay. In the film, the husband deliberately manipulates his wife to believing the house they share is haunted. He flickers lights, arranges furniture, and creates noise to cause her to go insane and to be distracted from his mischief.

A narcissistic abuser is trying to tell you what you should think or not think.

After you have said something, they will say, it never happened, or you are delusional, or you are lying as that never happened. They will tell you your memory is not right, that you are getting old, have some disorder. They will lie and make up any contrary story. This is crazy-making behavior. After time and repeated efforts by the abuser, it causes disorientation and the victim starts to lose themselves.

Projection. The narcissist blames you for their bad behavior, and many times this is indirect. They project and accuse you of behavior, such as cheating, of being secretive, not telling the full story, lying for example. Many times, what is projected, is the behavior they are trying to cover up.

Circular conversations. Conversations with a narcissist will include changing the subject, false accusatory statements to shift the blame and focus of the conversations, and to side rail and cause confusion. Nothing gets resolved.

Invalidation. The narcissist will create an environment where thoughts or feelings are not responded to appropriately. The victim feels they are not heard or understood, nor validated or supported. The individual is made to feel less than and not good enough and oftentimes tries harder to please the very individual that is invalidating their circumstances, thoughts, beliefs, etc.

Family Roles

The Golden Child. This child can do no wrong in the eyes of the parent. The child may be praised without reason, and the parent oftentimes steps in to protect and defend this child even if they are at fault. They are favored, adored and spoke of highly all the time. This child usually carries on the positive attributes of the parent. They have been chosen for this role.

The Scapegoat. The scapegoated child is responsible for the family issues and failures; they are also known as the black sheep of the family. It is their fault. This child is made to feel bad for situations they had no control over. They are deliberately put down, isolated, gas-lighted, invalidated and often this child sufferers from low self-esteem and low self-worth.

Are the family scapegoat? Learn about the Uncommon Benefits of Being the Family Scapegoat

Empath. Empaths have an innate ability to sense and feel the emotions of others in a compassionate manner. They are givers and peacemakers. Many times, narcissists are attracted to those with high level of empathy.

Related: If you are looking for Tips on Managing Empathy for Empaths, take a look at this article here.

Flying Monkeys. Flying monkeys are used to reinforce the narcissistic abuser’s crooked agenda. Typically, they are ones who do not question the narcissist and have shown loyalty to the narcissist. They can carry out the narcissist’s dirty work with ease.

Triangulation

Triangulation occurs when the narcissist pits people against each other. The stage is set when the narcissist introduces a third party with the deliberate intention to orchestrate drama and jealousy between the other two parties while he breeds confusion and relational drama whilst controlling the information disseminated to the parties.

Cognitive Dissonance

Cognitive dissonance is when the brain is conflicted based on incongruencies between what someone says and does.

For example, in a relationship with a narcissist, it is observing hypocrisy at its finest. The inconsistencies cause mental confusion. The mind circulates to try to make sense of the contrast in the behavior observed and the words actually spoken. The mind is trying to make sense of the behavior and it is maddening, because it doesn’t add up.

Cognitive dissonance is the way the brain tries to protects itself, to avoid the truth of the situation and rationalization is a key element involved.

Struggling to try to understand why the narcissist ignores you after repeated attempts to try to resolve? Click Here.

Feeling at a loss after enduring narcissistic abuse? Click here.

How does a narcissist obtain supply? Click Here.

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