How to Manage Empathy: 3 TIps to Have Boundaries around Your Special Trait
Empaths: If you have found your way to this page, perhaps you have been in a relationship with a narcissist, and have been told, or heard it through the grapevine, that you may be what is called an Empath.
- But what exactly is an empath?
- What is the empath and narcissist connection?
- Are there any tips to manage empathy for Empaths?
Table of Contents
What is an Empath?
An empath is someone who by nature (or is it by nurture?), that is easily able to put themselves in another’s shoes. They are adept at being able to read others, even read other’s emotions and in a way interpret what is not being said. They are sympathetic, caring, oftentimes generous with time and believe in the good of other people. They believe people are genuine and want to help others succeed and are purely motivated to do so.
Empaths have also been called, highly sensitive people or even a healer by many sources. Being an empath has great qualities but some people look to these traits to take advantage of these skills.
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The Empath and Narcissist Connection
When a narcissist (someone who exhibits grandiosity, characteristically has lack of empathy and continually seeks attention or supply on a feedback loop), and an empath form a connection, a cyclical pattern of dysfunction is about to develop.
The narcissist is known for operating under the cycle of abuse, please see this article which depicts the abuse cycle. The cycle of abuse consists of love-bombing, devaluing and discarding on a repeated cycle.
The narcissist looks to the empath to keep a constant level of supply (attention) coming on a conveyor belt toward the narcissist to provide for validation and even energy to keep the narcissist going, while the empath is looking for the love, support, which attracted the empath toward the narcissist in the beginning of the relationship.
The narcissist engaged in love-bombing to hook in their target, (which is the first stage of the abuse cycle), and the empath was enamored by it, but when accountability and a rapid decline in the relationship occurred, this is where other forms of manipulation, deceit, not to mention devaluing was needed by the narcissist, to keep the relationship progressing.
Narcissists are attracted to empaths, and empaths can be attracted to narcissists, so what is an empath to do?
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3 Tips to Manage Empathy for EMpaths
1. Listen to Your Intuition
When an empath meets a narcissist in a romantic sense, be wary of your intuition. Your intuition will not steer you wrong.
Sometimes, empaths choose to avoid listening to their intuition and override it, thinking they know better and continue engaging in with a relationship, when they feel something is off.
Your intuition is there to protect and guide you.
The narcissist, knows that they must override and cause a distraction from the very beginning of the relationship, this distraction is called love-bombing.
Narcissists want to gain your attention and set you up to be a source of supply for future encounters (should you pass a series of tests).
Learn to detect love-bombing and when you see it, it is a red flag.
Love-bombing is over-the-top compliments. They sound so good to the ear. They are compliments that are outlandish. Narcissists love-bomb because they have a goal in mind, or a target, and that target is you. Narcissists are keen in the way they can find a way to make another person feel good.
Be on the lookout for this and let your intuition guide you to flagging the relationship as a big no and to stay away.
2. Exercise Boundaries Early in the Relationship
Narcissists hate boundaries. If you exercise a boundary, they will have many tactics to get you to try to overstep your own boundary.
A narcissist will try to manipulate you, and/or try to get you to be stretched beyond what your boundary stated.
The narcissists attempts to get you to do whatever they want, will be subtle at first, (so much so you may not even be able to detect it), and they will try it over and over again. If you are looking for the tactics narcissists use to manipulate, deceive and control, please take a look at Master Manipulators.
Stick to your boundaries and/or be prepared to walk away.
If someone does not respect your boundary, it’s time to go.
If you have found yourself to be in a relationship with a narcissist, or are looking for assistance, guidance and direction with a quick overview, please check out Overcoming the Devastation from Narcissistic Abuse.
3. Keep Yourself #1
If you find yourself to be in a relationship with a narcissist, and believe you carry the traits of being an empath, be careful of taking the back seat in the relationship.
What I mean by this is, when a narcissist and an empath get into a relationship, the narcissist, due to their need for constant attention and energy, take center seat. There is no room for anyone else to be in “their spot”. You are secondary to them, and are only in your position to prop them up. A narcissist is only in a relationship for what they can get out of it.
Have a need in your life? Be sure the narcissist you were with, will not be accessible, and will be too busy for you. A narcissist is not looking to have a true relationship – even though they may claim to want this, and even state it.
If you are an empath, as much as you want to freely give out empathy, as it is second nature, and is a healing medicine to many, use it in targeted areas where it is more appreciated. When empathy is used in a relationship with a narcissist, the narcissist is extracting the energy and not replacing it back in to the relationship, and after time this pouring out, will leave the empath without the fuel to give.
In Conclusion
So keep yourself #1, look out for your best interest, and take care of yourself first and others can then follow suit.
Empathy is a great skill to have and to express. Many people are on the lookout to take advantage of your empathy. They will appear to be genuinely interested in you, but many times are takers and do not have your best interest at heart.
Drop a comment below if this has been helpful in your journey!