3 Challenges Faced by Golden Children in Adulthood: IS IT ALL BUTTERFLIES, ROSES AND CHOCOLATE CAKE?
If you are the family scapegoat, and look back on your life and either wish you were the family golden child because it seems like they “had it easier” and they were favored, blessed and had all the attention, read on.
We are going to dissect how the golden child too, suffers from growing up in a narcissistic family environment, and while they may eat chocolate first, and have better-looking roses and have more attention, they too, suffer from large emotional and relational consequences from being the favored, golden child stemming from adolescence.
Unrealistic Expectations
The golden child has it all, or so it seems from a young, very young age. It’s almost like they came out of the womb, and they were popular, the joyful one, and they became instantly favored, and could do no wrong.
Is this how it happened?
Being labeled as the “golden child” comes with its fair share of privileges and advantages during childhood.
Golden children often receive immense praise, attention, and high expectations from their families and may even extend into extended family, and working relationships.
However, the journey doesn’t end with childhood, and as they transition into adulthood, golden children encounter a unique set of challenges that can shape their lives in unexpected and detrimental ways.
In this article, we will explore some of the difficulties that golden children face as they navigate the complexities of adulthood.
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Oh, the Sweet, Kind, Loving Golden Child
I have written about it before, in that the golden child wears a metaphorical set of handcuffs and they are stuck in a performance lifestyle – earning love (albeit conditional) from what they do, say, or just are.
So, they are taught from a very young age, they are to perform and perform in a way that is not what they want as individuals (but to do what the narcissist ring leader says).
It has been ingrained in them that if they want the accolades for doing whatever, they must not have and seek out their own individualism. They must, in essence, worship at the feet of the narcissist to do what they want and to act, in the way they want – there is no deviation. Yes, this is how they learn to be actors from a young age.
They grow up in conditional love – but it’s all they know, and they equate it to real love (more on this later).
Growing up as the golden child, one of their most significant challenges is the burden of performing from generalized expectations to beyond all while maintaining it.
It sounds like a lot of pressure, right? It is.
Whether it’s in their academic, professional, or personal lives, golden children are expected to excel and meet the lofty standards set for them.
They must be perfect, or at least have the impression of being perfect. The narcissist too, will support this perfect image and will never share their flaws. The narcissist will become the manager of their reputation and how they are perceived by others – because this is a strong reflection on the narcissist – and it begins the enmeshment.
This constant pressure can lead to feelings of anxiety, self-doubt, and fear of failure.
Struggling to live up to these expectations can have a profound impact on their mental well-being and can hinder their ability to develop a strong sense of self.
Lack of Identity
Golden children often struggle with their own identity formation as adults.
They may have spent their childhood being defined by their achievements, talents, or the roles they played within their families.
Consequently, they may have difficulty discerning their true passions, interests, and personal goals.
The pressure to fulfill others’ expectations can overshadow their own desires and lead to a sense of emptiness or a lack of purpose in adulthood.
A lot of times, the golden child will revert to what provided them with the most accolades, so they inadvertently can receive verbal awards from those around them.
They Trade Authenticity for Acting (Fake)
The upbringing of golden children fosters a distorted perspective on relationships.
They find it challenging to form genuine connections with others because they have grown accustomed to receiving validation solely based on their accomplishments. As a result, they may struggle to establish relationships built on trust, emotional intimacy, and mutual support.
They cannot understand how someone could be purely loved, appreciated, honored, even respected by being themselves, by being true, and authentic.
I believe it’s the very cry of their soul, to be loved for who they are and not performance, but since performance and accolades are most of what they know and have become accustomed to (their whole life), ripping off the bandaid to become real, well may be an impossibility, which is reason #84, why there is always turmoil between the scapegoat and the golden child.
The fear of being loved for what they have achieved rather than who they are as individuals can hinder their ability to develop meaningful connections.
Fear of Failure and Perfectionism
Now, if you thought the pressure of receiving accolades upon accolades for performance was stressful enough for the golden child, add two more daunting hurdles on top.
The golden child will often develop a deep-seated fear of failure due to the high expectations placed upon them.
They may feel an overwhelming need to be perfect in every aspect of their lives, fearing that any misstep or setback will tarnish their carefully crafted image.
This fear of failure can paralyze them, leading to a reluctance to take risks, explore new opportunities, or pursue their true desires and passions.
The constant pursuit of perfection can be exhausting and may prevent them from experiencing personal growth and fulfillment.
Some play it safe, and stay in their role. Their tiny box and choose not to explore outside of it – ever.
They cannot live without the accolades so this keeps them stuck.
Difficulty to Advocate for Themselves
Golden children are accustomed to having their needs and desires anticipated and fulfilled by others.
Consequently, they may struggle with advocating for themselves and asserting their own wants and needs.
This can manifest in various areas of their lives, such as in a professional setting, personal relationships, or even in their own self-care. Learning to assert themselves and communicate effectively becomes essential for their personal and professional growth.
The challenges faced by golden children in adulthood are multifaceted and can have a profound impact on their lives.
Navigating the unrealistic expectations, grappling with identity formation, establishing authentic relationships, overcoming the fear of failure, and learning self-advocacy are all essential steps for golden children to embark on their own unique paths toward personal fulfillment and happiness.
Recognizing these challenges and providing support, understanding, and guidance can help golden children navigate the transition into adulthood and embrace their individuality and true potential.
Have you struggled in the role of the golden child? Or, were you the scapegoated child? Has this article been beneficial? Drop a comment and let us know your experience.