4 Top Lies a Narcissist Tells / [How to] See Through the Mask a Narcissist Wears

If you have been in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s likely they have told you lies. Lies, which you believed at the time as they subtly placed themselves as a (the) authority in your life.

A narcissist is known for speaking lies, some may even say they are pathological liars. Of course, it never comes across as lies but we may have believed them, at first. Until we saw them as lies.

Maybe it was one lie that was just too ostentatious, and that was the very thing that set off the alarm, that maybe, it was a lie. An untruth. Something meant to derail you and to change your way of thinking.

That lie was the very thing that brought about truth, fortunately. That lie they told was the crack in the foundation and things began to shift at that moment.

Note: Some of these lies may be covert, or indirect. A narcissist may not come out and directly say the lie, there may be innuendos through manipulation to get you to believe their viewpoint.

Let’s read on to common lies a narcissist tells – lies you may have once believed or still struggling to see today.

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Lie #1: It Didn't Happen Like that

One thing that a narcissist loves doing is reframing events, stories, past historical events and recreating it with their convincing viewpoint.

A narcissist is convincing, and yes charismatic too, and their story is told with such ease that it’s hard to not to believe their viewpoint. It is often well documented and may contain 90% truths, but there is a portion that is a lie.

What makes this so difficult, is that when in a healthy relationship, there is common sharing and open communication about events, feelings, thoughts etc. When in a relationship with a narcissist, these open conversations is when a narcissist chooses to reframe the event(s) to suit their purpose – unbeknownst to the victim.

What the victim may hear is: I was wrong. I misunderstood. Geesh, I was way off… and may believe the narcissist.

This gaslighting is by purpose and design. It’s to create a foothold where you doubt what you think, what you feel and even what you see. It’s devised to get you to lose yourself, and to believe what the narcissist says and even to go against your own intuition.

Lie #2: No One Will Ever Believe You

A narcissist does not want their story to be told, that is the inner story of what really goes on in the home, under the radar, when others are not present. And, in order for the story to NOT be told, they have created methods so that if the story were to “leak out” others would disbelieve it.

A narcissist has an outward façade in public, their public persona, and it’s generally one that is charismatic, clever, filled with witty speech, fun and a loving with an endearing personality. They have this persona so that no one would believe that they may not be acting in the same style at home when no one else is around.

If you were to share your story with confidents, they may disbelieve your story, because they see the narcissist in the best of light, by design. A narcissist knows what they are doing.

This disbelief by your confidents, may further gaslight you into believing you are making things up, or that things are not as bad as you claim them to be. So, we have a situation where we have gaslighting on top of gaslighting. The narcissist has set up this plan to keep you enslaved to the abuse so that you will remain in the relationship and have no one to turn to, should things go awry.

Lie #3: It's all your fault

Have you heard? If you had only done x, then I wouldn’t have to do y.

A narcissist is keen in flipping the script. If they are called out on a behavior, they are known for not only failing to take responsibility for it, but to turn the conversation around on you, where it’s your fault. They want you to feel responsible for their actions.

If you have been so bold to have a conversation with a narcissist on something they did or said, they will have a plethora of tactics to turn things around in their favor. They may belittle you for even bringing up the subject, may minimize your question, may toss in a joke to laugh, and mock at your expense, stone-wall you, or go into a narcissistic rage to name a few.

Have you ever asked a narcissist a question, then the conversation has turned around on you and now you are apologizing for the very thing that started the conversation? This is common when dealing with a narcissist. The narcissist is deliberately creating the belief that it’s your fault. Their tactic may work for a time until we realize it’s a setup and a lie.

At the root, a narcissist does not want to be held accountable for words they spoke or actions. They don’t want to be held accountable, because then it might mean they would have to make changes to their behavior – which they are not inclined to do any day. They would rather deflect and avoid responsibility as long as they can.

Lie #4: You Cannot Start A Blog

I choose to use this as an example due to the recent press regarding the Gabbi Petito and Brian Laundrie story, but it goes to show that a narcissist will try to prevent you from following a dream or desire you have.

It doesn’t have to be a blog, it can be anything from starting a hobby garden, to changing careers, to learning a new skill, anything you have the desire and motivation to pursue. A narcissist will put you down, so you don’t succeed, or even attempt to try and succeed at something to prevent you from moving forward with it.